


It’s All About You (I’m in Love with You)

by Twykad



Series: Angsty shots [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Raphael, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Asexuality, Happy Ending, He just loves Raphael, Hurt/Comfort, I just voice my fears about being Ace, M/M, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Raphael is struggling with is sexuality, Simon is comprehensive, Struggle, is there many people who would accept that I'm ace, seriously though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 11:16:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8665474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twykad/pseuds/Twykad
Summary: Simon likes Raphael, Raphael likes Simon.Raphael is struggling with his (a)sexuality, Simon is struggling with Raphael.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this with a high fever,  
> be kind? :D

Simon finds it amazing; the way Raphael has made his way to his heart, without even trying. Hell, doing everything but trying even. But now, every time he sees Raphael, he forgets everyone else, even Clary. He knows Raphael feels the same, he knows it, he can see it; the way Raphael looks at him, the way he protects him from the other vampires of the clan, the way he always ensures he is okay… Simon just wishes he would stop pushing him away on every other situation. If they feel the same why can’t Raphael stop running away?

 

Raphael finds it scary; the way the former mundane has made his way to his heart, without even trying, being only his stupid talkative nerdy self. Bu now, every time he sees Simon all his fears are coming back to life. He knows Simon likes him too, he can see it; the way he looks at him, the way he follows him almost everywhere, the way he would blush when he asks for something, the way he always compliments him on his jackets… But Raphael can’t. He just can’t let himself falling in love. Love is the worst feeling; it just brings pain and agony in the end, heartbreak. And Raphael doesn’t need heartbreak, he hates himself enough. It’s safer to stay away. He wouldn’t even be able to give the young man everything he needs. This is why he needs to get away from him. That is why he is avoiding the young man.

 

Simon sees him and he’s glad he is alone. He can’t help but admire him for a while. Raphael might not me tall but he has a striking charisma. Sometimes, it is very obvious that he has been turned as a very young age, younger than Simon’s but looking at his eyes, anyone can see how much older he is really; they hold so many emotions, so much pain, and Simon just wishes to wash them away.

 

“Raphael.” He says

 

Raphael turns and there he is, Simon. He doesn’t answer; he just looks at the young man before him. The fact that he is taller would enrage him if he wasn’t in love with him. Their eyes lock and Raphael feels like he’s going to die, again. There is so much purity in the eyes of Simon that he almost feels dirty compared to him. And Raphael just wants to escape because he is suddenly overwhelmed by the feelings he tries so hard to repress.

 

“What do you want Simon?” He answers keeping his voice as cold as possible.

 

Simon flinches, he hates when Raphael talks to him like that. He then decides that he is angry against the older vampire.

 

“What is wrong with you?! Why are you acting like this?!”

 

Raphael winces, it hurts to know that Simon is angry at him. But maybe it is better this way… Maybe it will be better if he hates him.

 

“Like what?”

“Cold! Like… Like you don’t like me, like you don’t care!”

“Maybe I don’t.”

 

Simon gasps, truly hurts by the words. He knows it’s a lie but it still hurts. He shuts his eyes a moment and then takes a few steps toward Raphael.

 

Raphael takes a few steps backward. Simon’s eyes are glowing and he feels guilty for the pain they hold. But he holds the gaze defiantly.

 

“But you _do_.”

 

Simon’s voice is steady and assured. He knows what he is saying, he knows that he is right and Raphael’s silence just confirms it and Simon takes a new step forward. The oldest vampire tries to get one back again but his back hits the wall. They are so close now…

 

“You _do_ care, Raphael.”

“So _what_?”

 

At this moment, Raphael misses the time where Simon was just a little boy stuttering and oblivious. He looks up at him and suddenly realises that if Simon does just one more step, he will lose it; he will lose the little control he still has on his feelings.

 

“I like you. I _really_ like you. And I know you do to. So tell me, _Raphael_ , what is the problem?”

“Stop pushing Simon”

“Rapha-“

“Stop.”

“But-“

“I can’t give you what you need so back off!”

 

Simon is a little bit startle. Raphael doesn’t usually yell, he is calm and composed. He goes to talk again but shuts his mouth, he feels like he, somehow, broke Raphael. He watches with horror the older vampire running his hands into his perfectly styled hair over and over again as he started pacing.

 

“I just can’t okay? I’m… I’m not like you.”

“What do you mean?”

 

Raphael shuts his eyes painfully. He can’t do that right now, cans he, revealing himself to Simon? It feels so ridiculous he let out a bitter laugh, at least the newly vampire will leave him now.

 

“I don’t do _sex_ , Simon.”

“So?”

“I’m _asexual_.”

“Yeah, I pretty much got that. _So_?”

 

Simon almost grins at Raphael who’s looking at him, bewilderment written all over his face. But he doesn’t because the matter is just too important to grin at it. And even though he can’t understand how much it is a problem, he gets it; Raphael is scared that sexual life is necessary. And he is probably right; for a lot of people it is, Hell, for some it is even the most important part of a relationship. But Simon is not “a lot of people”, neither he is “some”; asexuality isn’t something he is scared of. He doesn’t need sex to be part of his relationship, the feelings are enough. That is what he currently thinks anyway.

 

“That’s not a problem for me.” He says when the smaller vampire doesn’t answer.

 

Raphael shrugs and rolls his eyes, _as if_. But part of him wants and needs to believe Simon. Part of him wants and to let go and to give it a try. He clenches his fists; he is truly pathetic since Simon has entered his life and Magnus was making fun of him for that. He snorts at the sole thought, because the warlock is clearly the worst when it comes to his dear ‘Alexander’. An inch of jealousy comes into him though; Magnus and his Nephilim are happy and together and probably have a very ‘interesting” sex life. Not that that is the thing he envy the most.

 

“I can, really! Why can’t you just give us a try? I mean, seriously, can’t you get that your” Simon pauses. “Isn’t the thing I want the most? I just want you. I want us to be close and… Oh G- that sounds so wrong I’m sorry, not what I meant. I just, I just-“

 

 _Dios_ , Simon is rambling again and Raphael just wants him to shut up. He feels embarrass for the young vampire in front of him but at the same time, the words are making their way into Raphael hearts and he is sure that if Simon just say one more word he will end up kissing him. He will just give up and give a try, just so the boy shut his mouth…And maybe, surely, for himself too. With a bit of chance, Simon won’t break his heart.

 

“I think I just really _love_ you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Did Raphael kissed Simon? Absolutely!
> 
> Kudos, comments and any form of love are welcomed <3


End file.
